Professor Lee: Don’t overlook others’ pain with your eyes
“In the process of growing up, one had better have friends who forget their years.”Recently, professor Li Meijin said in a program hosted by Dou Wentao.As a middle-aged man who loves learning, I have a learning attitude and a certain life experience, so I can’t help nodding to this sentence immediately.Because I have a lot of friends, small friends, and “old” friends, I really learn a lot from them.What I want to say is that a professor from a famous university is a professor from a famous university, which is really not comparable to me as a rural teacher. Although I know this truth, I really don’t have the level to sum up my life experience and give lessons to others.So I can’t help but admire Professor Li himself.But waiting to listen to her this paragraph of words, I feel she said is not exactly, think she is very some opinionated fault, and I side of a certain eldest brother, love to take their own benchmark measure of others.Professor Li’s words are like this: In the process of growing up, it is best to have friends who forget their years.He’s been through a lot of things in your life, and he can wake you up in one sentence.For example, let’s look at the photos!Everyone in this pile, who should we look at first?Must be looking at themselves first.This is a big deal in your eyes, but in others’ eyes, people are looking at themselves and have no time to look at you.So, when you realize that what you think is a big deal may not be a big deal to other people.Others from other angles, a word might bring you out.”Let’s analyze what she said.Her first sentence, “In the process of growing up, it is best to have friends who forget the age”, which is certainly true, as I have said before.Then she analyzed the reason and said, “He has been through a lot of things in your life, and he can wake you up in one sentence.”I agree with that.My eldest brother, for example, is very perceptive.For example, when my mother came to live with me and I asked her if she had anything I could buy, the old lady looked impatient and I took it at face value and made purchases based on my own ideas.I have no sense of gold goods. Zhao Dad bought rings and necklaces for me. I thought we old ladies were the same as me.But my eldest brother said lightly to the old lady to buy, listen to his right, bought the old lady like.I take his words with a grain of salt, but I have enough faith in his people.I bought it the next day.In the first few days, the old lady only complained that I was spending too much money, but later she still wore them all.And a few days later, I was showing off with two of my aunts.Proudly showing off and cheerfully scolding me that I couldn’t live.I have thus gained a good reputation among my relatives for my filial piety.This reputation is also in the second, looking at the old lady so happy, I am really ashamed, feel oneself wake up too late, should buy early, early happy late happy are happy, why can’t let her early happy?At the same time, I felt that my older brother was not much older than me, so he was not a friend without age, but he could really be my teacher in terms of worldly wisdom.Only I may be a giraffe, Monday wet feet, Sunday brain feel, the queen is aware of, a word or two places do not wake up, always make him angry.Now let’s look at professor Li Meijin’s words. The analogy behind her is also very vivid.”Like let’s look at photos!Everyone in this pile, who should we look at first?They must look at themselves first.”If you’re embarrassed, chances are people won’t see it.So I often say to those of my students who make mistakes and feel like the earth will fall apart: Don’t take yourself too much as a dish, you are not so much attention, everyone can not sweep the snow in front of their own door, who cares about you this piece of frost ah!So, “From your point of view, it’s a big deal, but from others’ point of view, people are all looking at themselves and have no time to look at you.”Professor Li’s following sentence can also be said to be an absolute truth, I also agree with it.But the next thing she said, I couldn’t agree more.I disagree because I feel that this sentence is condescending. It does not show the most basic humanistic concern in comparison to the suffering of my younger people.At the end of the paragraph she said, “When you realize that what feels big to you doesn’t necessarily feel big to others.Others from other angles, a word might bring you out.”She this sentence in the “others” no one else, said is forget the year, and her forget the year only refers to one aspect, is older than their own forget the year.So the subtext is, “What you young chick went through is nothing compared to what we old foxes went through!”That is to say, you think things are big, most likely just because you have not experienced anything, you are short-sighted, always take the embroidery needle as the beam.If you think it’s too big to be miserable about it, it’s probably a joke.But this statement is absurd.In China, we have a saying — “When the scar is healed, the pain is forgotten.”This condescending contempt of the pain of others, not only is a good scar, forget that he had pain pain grinning heart pulled liver;It is also overbearing, his good scar, he began to laugh at others said pain.My math teacher in normal school once told us in class that she tutored her daughter in elementary school.As she watched her daughter cry over the problem of 2+2=4, she was at her loss. She said teaching her children the difference between an abstract “2” and a concrete “2 apples” was far more difficult than teaching us.Because what is not a problem for adults is a difficult and abstract problem for children.A child can easily learn that two apples and two apples are four apples, and two bananas and two bananas are four bananas, but apples and bananas are concrete, while numbers are abstract.How can we get the abstract number 2+2=4 from 2 apples plus 2 apples equals 4 apples and 2 bananas plus 2 bananas equals 4 bananas?Our teacher found it difficult to make this clear to the children.From this point, I think our normal mathematics teacher is better than the professor of Peking University, at least in respect of children, she is better than the professor Li.How can a grown man laugh at a child, counting the addition and subtraction of ten or less, and knit his brows on his fingers and rarely cry?Just because you’re an adult now and the math is easy for you, you can’t make a mountain out of a molehill by laughing at a child’s pain because the math is easy and it’s not a problem for the child.But a lot of times, we make this mistake.Don’t you have a little conflict with your dorm mates?Why is this so unpleasant?Isn’t one monthly exam not ideal?How can you be so pessimistic?What about teenage puppy love and lost love?Is this worth it?…A lot of times, we adults are so condescending to persuade these children immersed in pain.Such advice is not only useless to the child, but also immoral.By extension, it’s wrong to look down on the suffering of not just children, but other people.The size of the three things, this is different from person to person.Judging the severity of my experience by what others have experienced is like determining whether my pain is worth it or not. You think it doesn’t hurt, but I can’t breathe anymore!My pain is there in plain sight.When I was young, I learned a text called “The pony crosses the River”.When the colt wanted to cross the river, he did not know how deep it was. The little squirrel was frightened and told him not to, because one of his companions had fallen into the river and drowned.However, the cow calmly said that the water was very shallow, just above the calf, so there was no problem crossing the river.When the colt crossed the river himself, he found that the river was neither as deep as the squirrel said nor as shallow as the cow said.This story is meant to say that we should not listen to hearsay.But from professor Li’s words today, I think it also tells us another truth: the same river is not as deep in your eyes as it is in mine.Just because you’re an elephant and you’re not afraid of a drizzle, doesn’t mean it’s okay for ants to drizzle.Nor can you laugh at the pain of other pupae breaking cocoon just because you are a butterfly.So when a child is in pain like this, don’t look down at the pain, he doesn’t need a big talk, he may just need a hug.All you have to do is hug him dry his tears, pat him on the shoulder and say, it’s okay, you’re here.And when a friend confides his pain with you, you can not understand, but do not look down on his pain, perhaps he does not need your substantial help, just confiding itself can let him have an outlet.Just hold his hand and listen quietly. You are his positive energy.Then again, it is not just my brother’s fault to use his ruler to measure others. Many people have this problem, even me, sometimes.Finally, LET me talk about friendship.From my profession, many of my friends are my students.They were younger than me, but I learned a lot from them.One of my students, usually papyrus writing is more standardized than many people’s papers.I told him there was no need to do that, that he could put that energy into something else.But he told me earnestly: First, it is the cultivation of serious habits, good habits itself is more important than the acquisition of knowledge;Second usually write standard, when the exam can be maintained, so that they check up at a glance, probably can save five or six minutes of time, critical moment, a minute can also sweep thousands of troops.I can not help but deeply admire, self-discipline self-examination self-improvement so, he can do my teacher.In front of such a young man with heart, I really think Professor Li is too narrow-minded.As a middle-aged person, a lot of time is really “horse teeth in vain”, can not always think of a word to wake up the stray lamb, on the contrary, he may need to learn more from young people, to pay more than their own small forget the age.Confucius understood this truth many years ago, and his words were thus written in the Analects of Confucius: Fear of the future!